Eateries of all Genera Straight Talkin’ No Punches Pulled Reviews

Loco Lounge Harfield Village Claremont

My 86 year old Mom had a really bad fall late last week, her being a fanatical gardener, she was heading inside to answer the phone (landline) when she attacked by the garden hose, you know the problem with these pesky garden hoses, they get quite ornery from time to time when neglected. I took her to her quackter on Friday for a check up. Mom’s quite ok but looks like she’s been through a round or two with Laila Ali, she’s is quite a trooper. So the Klutz in the Kitchen made a huge pot of Aunty Sarah’s Truly Excellent Pea and Bacon Stoup, her favourite, last night and delivered it to her this morning. Hope she’s going to enjoy it and will relieve her of cooking duties while she convalesces. Aunty Sarah’s Stoup somehow works better than any amount of chicken soup see.

After stopping off at the supermarket to get a few much-needed victuals, it was a total spur of the moment decision to head to the Loco Lounge in Harfield Village to have a bite. Having read and heard so many great reviews and reports about the little place.

On walking in I was greeted by Dexter, the very affable and charming waiter on duty and led upstairs to the dining area. Impressive and inviting simple, clean lined décor with interesting denim tablecloths decking the tables. I was the only soul in the place at the early lunchtime. The menus were somewhat tired and grubby raw cardboard with a few grease spots and someone had written something intelligible at the bottom of one of the clipboard presented menus. I felt the urge to wash my hands after touching them.

On being handed the Lunch/Dinner menu I was told the Steak and Line Fish was not available at lunchtime and only available at dinnertime. Ok then so why have it on the menu then, huh? I then asked the big question, fresh or fake frozen chips, the answer, fake frozen. Blerry hell I thought, that really spoilt my first impression of the place. I also had a good look at the very tacky and overpriced photo copied wine list, really atrocious. The cocktail list was just as boring and plain, nothing jumping out saying try me try me. The list of cocktail’s can be got at any average cocktail bar anywhere in Cape Town. The one surprising thing was the beer list, mundane though it is. The Amstel price of 20 bucks was the cheapest of all other beers on the list. Having been put off by the drinks menu I ordered a cup of coffee and the Loco Burger to munch. There was no indication that the meal came with any starch or salad at all, they did however have a separate sides and extras section, which included “Skinny Fries”. After being asked if I wanted any extras and enquiring if anything else came with the burger I was told that “skinny fries” came with the burger. Mmm, makes me wonder is it a ploy used by restaurants at large to get punters to order the paid for extras and are only told if enquiring whether the meal comes with anything at all. A little dishonest don’t you think?

The coffee arrived on an interesting saucer, more like a tray and rather unique, the beverage was hot and not too bad at all. My burger arrived looking a little anaemic and flattop fried as opposed to grilled. Before chowing down I cut a piece of the burger patty off to taste, there was a total lack of seasoning but there was also a strange sourish taste to the damn thing. Can’t describe the flavour and it also left an unpleasant aftertaste in my mouth, which a gulp of the coffee could not remove. The much bragged about bun was toasted and tough, seemed like a day or two old. Not a good lunch at all, damn still got that hellish taste in my mouth as I write this despite rinsing with a couple of glasses of water once I got home.

There was no ownership on duty at the time of this visit, so told Dexter of my concerns and disappointing experience.

The Klutz in the Kitchen’s Grub Rating

★★¼ = Just ok but really needs to be so much better, a little off putting but has potential for improvement.

The Klutz in the Kitchen always revisits establishments whether the review is good or bad because nobody has a good day everyday. Looking forward to a return visit.

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